I wanna changes...
I wanna burn out this fucking shit to dust... And release myself.

I'm getting gray. Every day I find a new gray hair aiming as an arrow out of my head as a warning of wasting my precious time for bull's shit for someone else's responsibilities and needs.
I've been told that grayness is a sign of not living my live, not following MY WAY...

I'm not singing anymore. Not dancing. Not laughing. Not enjoying the Life. My Life.
And when I'm asking myself what do I want? The only answer that I want you. More than anything or anyone else. I don't know how to live another day without you...
I just don't wanna live.

I'm pulling myself together, finding some strengths to reach you, keep moving forward, so hearing your words that it would take years or you simply don't wanna come to me... It breaks my heart and makes me feel desperate.
I wanna be with you, now. Not tomorrow, not in a month, not in a year... NOW!

But I don't believe in myself anymore. I don't believe that I actually have any powers to change anything...

@музыка: Lady Gaga & Bradley Cooper - Shallow

@темы: Я и мое безумие, Цели, Страхи, Размышления, Поток сознания, English